Sitting in my bed right now. A familiar and lonely place, flannel sheets surrounding me and the quiet is deafening. I can hear my ears ringing and I have a warm fur ball, taking up residence right next to me, swishing her tail, paw over her face.

I don’t know where to go with my thoughts and feelings, so I’ve decided to start writing about them, hoping they will help me heal. Writing does that…. I’ve heard this for years.

Let me share some of my more recent thoughts:

  • How am I ever going to provide for myself and my kids, now that I am not seeing child support from 1.0 (the ex-husband). He lost his job. He cannot provide for his kids. My small substitute teacher wage helps, but it isn’t nearly enough.
  • Where do I even fit in anymore in life? My friends are all married and have their own get-togethers with other couples. I don’t belong. It hurts. Other friends already have their close-knit group, and I am not part of that. The little time I do have to myself, I spend playing catch-up with things I’ve been too busy for.
  • I would love to just write and create a living for myself and my kids. I don’t want to rely on 1.0 for anything. How do I begin? What steps should I take to make this happen?
  • 1.0 is already on to his second girlfriend in less than a year. I am not jealous because I know I am better off without him. What weighs heavy is how this affects my kids’ sweet and hurting hearts. He doesn’t care. He is focused on himself and what will make HIM feel good and creating a new life for himSELF.

That’s it for now. Do you feel like sharing anything? Let’s hear it. If you’ve felt this way, how do you deal with it?


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